Donald Tusk has just been struck off the Prime Minister's Christmas card list. Not content with apparently humiliating Mrs May at the EU summit in Salzburg on Thursday, the European Council President has been taking to social media with less-than-sly put-downs. Mr Tusk followed up his rejection of the Chequers Plan by posting a photograph on Instagram of Mrs May and him looking at cakes with the caption: "A piece of cake, perhaps? Sorry, no cherries." Yet, after stuttering and stumbling her way through Thursday's press conference, Mrs May regained her composure on Friday ready no doubt to do battle again. The same can't, however, be said for Juventus footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo, who burst into tears after being sent off in a Champions League game versus Valencia. The football superstar was also mercilessly mocked on social media, but The Weekly is confident that the tears will be short-lived. In a couple of years time he'll be happily retired with millions in the bank and nothing more to worry about than topping up the fake tan! At this rate Mrs May will probably still be negotiating Brexit!

Last week the Crown Estate's Head Office at No 1. St James's Market became the first office in Europe to achieve WELL Platinum Certification from the International WELL Building Institute. Well, so what I hear you say? Well....WELL is the global building standard designed to enhance people's health and wellness through the built environment and when it comes to securing Platinum accreditation they really mean it. Just look at the steps the Crown has had to go to. The office layout at St James's Market maximises access to natural light for all desks to support 'circadian rhythms' (translated for those not in the know as 'a roughly 24 hour cycle in the physiological processes of living beings'); there are internal green walls and plants to promote 'biophilia' (defined, following consultation with the dictionary, as 'an innate and genetically determined affinity of human beings with the natural world'); there is moss on the walls to control acoustics; the furniture, fixtures and fittings are specially selected to ensure they have a low VOC content to maintain healthy air levels (don't panic but VOC stands for 'volatile organic compounds' and your office may be coated in them!); and the office provides different types of workplaces and spaces including ergonomic desks, a library and a contemplation room (to contemplate just how amazing your office is!). The Crown Estate has demonstrated an unrivalled commitment to the well-being of their staff. And armed with this Scope of Works, the editorial team at The Weekly are heading straight to the door of their office manager on Monday for some frank discussions!

As autumn storms lashed the United Kingdom, two members of the St Bride's team donned their most figure-hugging lycra this week and headed out on the annual Bidwells Golden Triangle bike ride - a 100 mile endurance test from Oxford to Cambridge. After battling the rain and wind for 6 plus hours, a quick check of the on-board bicycle computer at the finish line confirmed they'd averaged a respectable 17.15 mph. The congratulations back in the office, however, were short-lived when news broke that a US woman, Denise Mueller-Korenek, had just broken the cycling land speed world record. In order to reach her record-breaking speed, the former US national track champion was pulled along by tow rope at 100 mph, before being released to pedal herself. From that point she was riding in the slipstream of a dragster for 3.5 miles, achieving a record average of 183.9 mph over the last mile! You have to watch the full video to understand just how insane this attempt was, but, just to put the feat into context, Mueller-Korenek was travelling about the same speed a Boeing 747 is travelling just before it leaves the runway during take-off! And more than ten times faster than St Bride's finest speeders!