It has been a most bizarre week what with the new lock-down and the US Election… so imagine our surprise when we received this most unexpected email:

Saturday afternoon, 7 November 2020
Dear The Weekly,

It’s Donald here. I am the world’s #1 real estate superstar. Oh yes… I am also the US President… at least for another 74 days, and, don’t think for a moment that I am going down without a fight. Even so, and just in case my legal team let me down, one of Boris the Tank Engine’s lackies has recommended that I contact St Bride’s Managers on the off-chance that I may be looking for a new job. So, I have checked you guys out. Houston… Texas, right? A beautiful republican-voting state. And Saunders, who I guess must be related to the finger-lickin’ Colonel in Kentucky - another beautiful state. I would have reached out to Richard at St Bride’s office in Greenwich, but I have been told that the whole of Connecticut has severed all connections with DC until after the New Year. Initially I thought they must have been talking about their links with that Dominic Comings & Goings fella of yours over this Brexit thing you are all fiddling around with. But no… it appears that they don’t want any links with Washington, and especially the White House, until Sleepy Joe Hiden backs his butt into my chair at the Oval office. Don’t tell anyone but I plan to put shards of glass on the seat by way of a leaving present. Hey… Shard… that would make a great name for my next office building. Tremendous and beautifully original.

An extremely credible source has told me that that fake furry-headed fella in Drowning Street won’t speak to me anymore. In fact, no-one seems to be speaking to me now. It’s tremendously outrageous. No-one has made America more great again than The Don.

Which is why St Bride’s Managers should employ me. Just think about it. Here are just four beautiful reasons why you should say ‘You're Hired!'.

Not only would I make St Bride’s great, I would make the whole of UK property great again.
If you are going to do Brexit, do it properly! We could get an infrastructure contract for St Bride’s to develop a great wall all the way around Britain. We could then fill the space between the UK and Europe with water to make a moat. That should keep the three miserable Ms out – Macron, Merkel and Mussolini. No-one builds walls and moats better than me.
And while we are doing that, we could build the glitziest-ever Trump Tower on that patch of dirt in the middle of Grosvenor Square next to our beautiful embassy and sell it for a massive profit to my new-best buddy, Kim Jong-Un. Or Vladimir if he's willing to gazump him. See, I've already got two hot bidders.
And, wait for it… how about we convert Buck & Ham Palace and Green Park into a beautiful 7-star hotel, spa and golf course. Tremendous and beautiful. The Queen can watch me sink birdies from her drawing room window (she loves me by the way) and we could cut the Royal Family into a stake of the profits (but not too much… mind you!). I probably will do it anyway, maybe definitely.

Let me know what you think. We’d make a beautiful and tremendous partnership, don’t you think?
Kind regards,

Donald

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Saturday evening, 7 November 2020
Dear Donald,

Thank you for your email applying for a position at St Bride’s Managers in London. Our partners have considered your CV / bio. After a very close-run ballot, you just failed to get enough support and we have concluded that you are not quite what we are looking for at present.

We do have money to invest and we have some beautiful strategies for the future. If you know of anyone with a tremendous blend of acquisition and asset management skills with 4-5 years post-qualification experience, please let us know.

Wishing you well in your search.

Kind regards,

St Bride’s Managers

UK: 5 St Bride Street, London EC4A 4AS
USA: PO Box 4955 Greenwich, CT 06831

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Saturday evening, 7 November 2020
Hey Bride’s,
It's a disgraceful fraud and the vote was rigged.
See you in court. And by the way, you are tremendously Fired!

DT.

Enjoy your Sunday.

PS Apologies to any Trump supporters who may be offended but we just couldn’t resist it!
PPS Why won't Trump be able to go to the White House after 20 January? Because it will be FOR BIDEN!